Wednesday, May 04, 2005


Another crummy picture; this time, it's a lovely miniature rose.

I threw out my ipecac last night. In my last post, I mentionned that I was no longer thinking about purging, so why was I hanging on to this stuff? I poured it in the toilet.

And that made me remember one of the most toxic things that came out of my being a personal trainer. The culture of personal trainers is completely and totally toxic to anyone with an eating disorder. I'm sure some personal trainer is going to read this and be offended, but tough. The emphasis is on the body, and that isn't good for someone who is unhealthily obsessed with their body. So on top of reinforcing my habits that started out as healthy and went to an unhealthy extreme, personal trainers also gave me tips like using ipecac to keep myself from eating. "Just put a drop on your tongue." Well, in the first place, I don't think this is good advice for a healthy person. In the second place, it's terrible advice for someone with bulimia. Bulimics purge using ipecac. Slippery slope, what?

I swam today, only 45 minutes because Patty pooped out.

Oh, I didn't drink any crystal light last night, and I tried a glass of water with a shot of orange juice. I didn't dislike or like the water with OJ, but maybe it will grow on me. I didn't particularly like the crystal light at first either.


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