Wednesday, March 23, 2005


The instructions for the Ottobre jeans are minimal. I had to dig out a Kwik Sew pattern for their instructions. I haven't done enough fly zippers to be able to wing it.

I started writing in my food journal again. I had a good visit with the shrink. I don't think I need to see her any more. I'm not depressed. I love the way Zoloft makes me feel. I've been thinking about OA's first step: I am powerless over food, and my life has become unmanageable. I'd written that I am able to admit the first part, powerlessness over food; no problem. However, I struggle with the second part. I didn't consider my life unmanageable. Some wrote to me telling me that he didn't think I was powerless over food for various reasons. I really appreciated getting that e-mail because the only thing that I could think while I was reading it was that I don't have to be powerless over all food, everywhere, thru-out all time in order to be powerless over food. And when I considered that, I had a blinding flash of the obvious happen. I can look at the unmanageable stuff the same way. I was thinking that my life had to be 100% completely and totally unmanageable, like I was that drug addicted/alcoholic homeless person who has lost all her friends, family, possessions, etc. in pursuit of her next high. I don't have to look at it that way. And so I'm not going to.

So I'm still working step one, but this has made it possible for me to take step one which I couldn't do before. Thanks.


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