Tuesday is ED Day

Today we talked about triggers. Anything that trigger binging, purging, and restricting. The group filled the whiteboard with triggers which we listed under the following headings: External, Social, Hunger, Internal/Feeling/Physical, Thoughts.

After that we did a not-very-fun exercise of writing down "3 Internal Factors That Trigger" and "Methods of lessening the effect of the triggers". My triggers were"

1. Overwhelmed by negative emotions at home (eg kids fighting, us fighting, letting down DH).
2. Want to be perfectly healthy.
3. Want to be sexy, beautiful for DH (where sexy, beautiful = thin)
4. Want attention, want to standout.

And my coping techniques are:

1. Ask husband for help. Ask husband for hug.
2. Realistic expectations.
4. Tell myself that I do standout.

As you can see, item 3 is blank. It's really problematic because in a particularly butthead moment, DH^H^H BH told me that "the weight was an issue" in our sex life. He doesn't tell me that I'm beautiful. Our sex life is non-existant which I have blamed on the infertility, but we had problems before that. I said that I was terrified of confronting this issue, and the psychologist suggested that it's too soon to try to deal with this. I'm relieved.

It was pointed out to me that there is too much focus on pleasing DH. Hm. After group, the psychologist suggested that I see my shrink about that issue. I think I will.