Really Cool Skirt

Amy Butler quilting fabric made into skirt

I just love that skirt. It's Amy Butler fabric, and I forget the pattern. It was modeled at the March ASG meeting in Walnut Creek. I think I could copy this using Kwik Sew 3109. I love the idea of mixing fabrics in a garment, but I'm leary of looking like I'm wearing a quilt.

I just love Tania's art.

Letters

It figures. Jennifer wraps. You wouldn't think that eight letters would be a lot for a first name, but I've not had enough space in several forms to put my entire name. It's very strange considering that Jennifer was the number one name for over 30 years.

Tuesday is ED Day

It seems like I spend all day Tuesday working on the eating disorder. My group therapy is in Walnut Creek, so it's a bit of a drive, takes about 45 minutes. The meeting is at 10:15 am, very inconvient for us working folks. It ends at noon. Parking is always an issue. Between getting the kiddos to daycare, driving up there, parking, the group, driving back, I rarely get to work before 1 pm. We used to have the kids in swimming lessons on Tuesday evenings, so DH would pick them up from daycare, go swimming, go to McDonalds, and come home after I leave for my OA meeting. Unfortunately, we were late signing up for lessons, so we couldn't get both kids in at the same time. We decided to continue Chungita's lessons on Tuesdays and drop Pulgito's lessons for this session. That means that I have to pick up Pulgito from daycare. So no more working late on Tuesdays or any time to myself before the OA meeting. Wah, wah, poor me. NOT! I have the 2 greatest kids in the world, and I am the luckiest mom in the world. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

But I don't get much done on Tuesdays.

Group was really good on Tuesday. We talked about the health consequences of eating disorders. I learned a lot, not just about the bad things that I am doing to my body, but I learned about more eating disorder behaviors that I thought were healthy behavoirs.

One of the health consequences is electrolyte imbalances. Terri Schiavo is in her current situation because of her eating disorder. I'm pretty sure she had bulimia, but I haven't been able to verify that. Anyway, she had a heart attack which caused a stroke because of an electrolyte imbalance. I have an irregular heartbeat. From the eating disorder? Fortunately, I have my medical directive in place, and my family knows what my wishes are, so I will never be in the position Terri Schiavo is in. However, it would be much better if I had never damaged my heart. A related risk is muscle atrophy; the heart is a muscle. And then there's low blood pressure, which I have. It's tough learning about this. In a way, it gives me something else to beat myself up over.

Paralysis is another risk. From Something Fishy: Transient paralysis -- extreme weakness of muscles or not being able to move at all -- Caused by low levels of potassium, and/or the degeneration of nerve cells, in the spinal cord or in the brain, which have been deprived of essential nutrients. Left untreated, periods of paralysis may happen more frequently and more severly, lead to permanent muscle weakness, and even result in death. I wonder if this is what Freud's hysteria was all about.

Here's the one that I found to be most interesting. I thought that drinking lots of water was good for you. I knew that it is possible to drink too much water, but I had no idea what that is. Well, "water-loading" is not a positive behavoir. It can lead to hyponatremia or not enough sodium in the blood, which can lead to fluid in the lungs, the brain to swell, nauseousness, vomiting, confusion and even death. I wonder if that plays a role in my getting pneumonia. I've always blamed the asthma, but this might be affecting it as well. And here I thought I was being healthy drinking 16-20 glasses of water a day.

Tania's Art

I just love Tania's art. The sky is a beautiful, clear blue with no clouds in sight today, but this captured yesterday's weather and my feelings very well.

Peony by Diane Ericson

Peony View 1

Peony View 2

This is the Peony Vest by Diane Ericson from this month's ASG presentation by Jane Foster. I haven't been enamoured of this pattern, but it looked really great on this sewist. I can't say that I care for the ones in the Peony Gallery at DE's website. I'm still not sure it's for me, but I like it more than I did.

My pneumonia is almost gone. I'm still coughing every once in a while. I have 2 more days on the antibiotic.

On the gardening front, I managed to spray with Round-Up between the storms. Obviously, I'm not anti-herbicide. My neighbor has a torch gizmo that he uses to burn the weeds to death. I might look into this once the Round-Up is all gone. Mostly, I prefer mechanical methods (ie hand weeding) for weed control, but I don't know how to get the long rooted ones out of the walkway. I can pull off the tops, but there's no way to get a purchase on the roots, so the roots keep growing, and the weed comes back.

The jeans are almost finished. I need to add the waistband and hem the legs. I think I stretched the fabric when I was topstitching the crotch seam. I've got ugly wrinkles radiating from the point where the fly topstiching meets the crotch seam topstitching. I might try ripping it out and restitching. I dunno. I backstitched, so it's not going to be an easy repear.

Yellow Rose of Livermore

Yellow Rose

This is a very old rose that came with our house. It wasn't in very good condition when we bought the house. The people who lived there just didn't know how to take care of roses. It needed severe, yet thoughtful, pruning. So I whacked it back. And it rewarded me by blooming profusely. We wanted to do an addition to our house right where that rose was, so the rose had to be moved. We decided to do the addition in the summer, and that meant that we had to move the rose in August. It's hot here in August, like 100F/40C. You're not supposed to transplant a rose when it's hot. Well, the rose survived. I had some problems with die-back last year, some 7 years post transplant, but after the thoughtful pruning, it seems to be doing well. This picture was taken on March 17th. Most of my roses aren't blooming, yet, but this one never lets me down.

On the sewing front, I made quite a bit of progress on Chungita's jeans. I briefly considered trying to fit them to her, but since they have beltloops, I decided to just make them as is. They will probably be way baggy, like all her pants.

Pear Blossoms

Pear

Pulgito's pear tree is covered with blooms. Last year, we only had a few blooms which resulted in about 6 pears. I'm thinking that I'm going to have to thin the fruit this year. The pears are very good. They are about the size of a large plum. Pulgito loves them; he eats the entire thing, including the core. We get home from work/daycare and hang out in the front yard while DH makes dinner. Because we're all starving and there is this beautiful, fresh, tree ripened fruit calling to us, we eat it. Then we are too full to eat dinner.

Love that Freesia

Love that Freesia

I think this is the last picture of the freesia. It's been raining a lot for here, and the freesia that's left has been flattened.

I'm feeling better, but I'm still coughing a lot, I'm tired, and my head hurts. My husband slept in the living room and had me close my door last night because of the coughing. He said he would get more rest, including getting up with Pulgito, than if he could hear my coughing.

I basted the fly shut on the Ottobre jeans, and that was it for sewing. I've become addicted to the games at Yahoo!Games. Hopefully, last night was the last time for that total waste of time.

I had my embroidery software class this morning. Lenore didn't show up, and she didn't answer her cell phone when I called. That's very unusual. I'm a little worried about her.

Cyclamen

Cyclamen

The instructions for the Ottobre jeans are minimal. I had to dig out a Kwik Sew pattern for their instructions. I haven't done enough fly zippers to be able to wing it.

I started writing in my food journal again. I had a good visit with the shrink. I don't think I need to see her any more. I'm not depressed. I love the way Zoloft makes me feel. I've been thinking about OA's first step: I am powerless over food, and my life has become unmanageable. I'd written that I am able to admit the first part, powerlessness over food; no problem. However, I struggle with the second part. I didn't consider my life unmanageable. Some wrote to me telling me that he didn't think I was powerless over food for various reasons. I really appreciated getting that e-mail because the only thing that I could think while I was reading it was that I don't have to be powerless over all food, everywhere, thru-out all time in order to be powerless over food. And when I considered that, I had a blinding flash of the obvious happen. I can look at the unmanageable stuff the same way. I was thinking that my life had to be 100% completely and totally unmanageable, like I was that drug addicted/alcoholic homeless person who has lost all her friends, family, possessions, etc. in pursuit of her next high. I don't have to look at it that way. And so I'm not going to.

So I'm still working step one, but this has made it possible for me to take step one which I couldn't do before. Thanks.

Iris & Sparaxis

Iris & Sparaxia
Originally uploaded by neefer.

I'm feeling a little better today. I went to my ED group. Nothing much happened. We reported on our progress. It had been 2 weeks, and it seems that a lot of us stopped writing in our food journals.

Decades of Style Fashion Show at Walnut Creek ASG

Decades of Style They are working on their website.

Do I remember anything about the dress to the left? No. It looked fabulous on her. It was black. I played with the contrast a little, hoping to bring out some details. It didn't work well, but it's a little better. The neckline is draped, but she used tucks instead of gathering it, very creative and inspiring.

To the right are "Kitchen Pajamas" from the 1930s. I was so intent on seeing them that I forgot to take pictures. They are a jumpsuit which wraps around the back. They have straight legs and cap sleeves. Very cute.
This is a hobble skirt from the early 20th century. It has interesting side drapey fabric things. She left a slit in the side so that she could walk. I forget all details about the jacket.
This incredible suit is from the '50s. It's just lovely. There is a swag hanging down from the jacket. The jacket has a peplum. The hat is a vintage hat and inspired the color choice for the fabric.

They also modeled a kimono jacket from the 1920s. I forgot to take pictures. I'm sorry my memory of the show isn't better. The pneumonia makes me kinda fuzzy.

More Freesia

I have pneumonia. I don't have much energy.

Buttonhole Chisel

Freesia

I had to drive over to Dublin to get a buttonhole chisel, but the Dublin Sewing Center didn't let me down. So I went home and cut my buttonholes. Sewing on the buttons is going slower. They are shank buttons, so I can't do it on the machine.

I just love freesia.

Eating Disorder or the Bitching Part

Purple Freesia

I am not making any progress with the eating disorder. I'm not even journalling which is really bad. That's supposed to be the first step towards getting well. I don't seem to be able to a single day without a binge. Wah, wah, wah, poor me.

Enough beating myself up. I have to constantly remind myself that I've had this problem for about 30 years. It isn't going to go away in a few months. Today is the first day of the rest of my life; what happened yesterday doesn't matter. I will journal. I will go journal right now. I'm not doing it. Why do I want to write here and not in my food journal? I'd say I'd do my food journal here, but I don't always have access. I carry around my journal with me everywhere.

Goal for this week: do my food journal.

Can I use the excuse that I've been sick? had company for 2 weeks before that? was a single parent for almost a week? I don't think so.

Gargoyles

Gargoyle Candle Holder

The straps holding this gargoyle broke, so I took him down from where he was hanging. I decided I didn't want him anymore. Chungita asked me what I was doing with him, and I said, "I'm going to sell him on ebay." According to Chungita, "Who would want to buy that?"

From the mouths of babes ...

I was thinking that an agnst-ridden goth teenager would want it. What do you think? Maybe I'll just give it to Georgine to give to her daughter.

The real reason I decided to sell it is that I have a box that it fits in perfectly, so I'm all ready to ship it, if someone buys it. This will be my first attempt to sell something on ebay. There's something wrong with Flickr, and some of my images did not get uploaded. So I'm going to have to wait to post to ebay.

I went to Joann's to buy a buttonhole chisel. Of course, they didn't have one. At least the clerk knew what I was talking about. I did buy one there. It was a crappy one, but at least it was one. I checked on-line. The thing is that shipping is $4, and I really don't need anything else right now. They had better have one at the Dublin Sewing Center.

Oh, and I've been sick. I haven't had enough energy to post to the blog.

Another Day, Another Binge?

I hope not. I think part of my problem last weekend was that I was hungry. I upped my caloric intake to 1900 calories/day. I'm not supposed to be trying to lose weight while I'm doing the ED therapy, probably not until I'm well.

Monday Morning

magnolias

On the sewing front, I started on a pair of jeans for Chungita. It's an Ottobre design. I'm using the same fabric as my jeans jacket. The buttonloops use a 1.75 inch wide strip folded in thirds, and this gives me a rather wide beltloop. I decided to just go with it, but I keep second guessing myself. Should it be thinner?

On the eating front, this weekend was terrible. Letting myself get too hungry on Thursday set me up for binging on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. However, I did not get up in the middle of the night and eat the cookie dough that is in the fridge. So, some progress from previous behavior has been made.

I really like the ED group that I'm going to. It's based on Cognitive Behavior Theory. The idea is that you have to "break" the behavoir before you can deal with the underlying emotions. So far, I haven't been able to break my behavior. I haven't found OA to be as helpful to me. The first step is:

We admitted we were powerless over food - that our lives had become unmanageable.

The first part is really hard to remember. I mean, I know that there are many foods of which I can't have just one. If I eat one, then I will want to eat them all. I'm always forgetting, or maybe it is that my obsession takes over any reasoning ability that I might have regarding food. But the truly difficult part of this step is the "my life has become unmanageable" part. I don't believe that my life has become unmanageable. I'm in no danger of losing my job. Sure, my marriage is stronger since I've started therapy, but that in large part is because I'm not so depressed anymore. I think the rest of my relationships are strong. My kids are doing great, and so on and so forth. Sure, not having an eating disorder would make things better, but that isn't the same as being unmanageable.

I did have an episode that is indicative of what it might be like to have my life be unmanageable. On Friday, after I dropped off Granny and Chungita at the library, I went to Starbucks and had to have a maple oat scone. The compulsion was ENORMOUS, but I would not have dragged Granny and Chungita with me if I couldn't have left them at the library. I mean, the compulsion was a secondary decision. It didn't override my responsibility to my daughter. If I had felt like I would do just about anything, including neglecting my daughter, to get that scone, then my life is unmanageable. Is it just denial?

It turns out that my husband had left 2 checkbooks in the truck, and they were stolen. That's a much bigger deal than loosing the electronics. Our mortgage payment is supposed to come out of one of those accounts today.

Stolen!

My husband left the truck unlocked last night, and his cell phone and gps thingy were stolen out of it. He's been careless like this before. I remember him leaving my car unlocked with the keys in it. He lost all driving priveledges at that point. Hopefully, he won't be careless again.

Almost Done

daffodils

My jean jacket is almost finished. If I had one of my buttonhole chisels, I would have finished it. I'm going to wait until next week to go to Joann's. Granny slipped me a twenty to buy fabric with on her way out. It was sweet, but I wish she wouldn't do that. We have enough money, and I, certainly, have enough fabric. I will buy fabric with it; I never look a gift horse in the mouth. Anyway, the buttonholes are sewn.

I'd post a picture, but it looks pretty much like the last picture. You can look at my daffodils, instead. They are almost done blooming.

Buttonhole Chisel

I have 2; can I find either of them?

Joann's Sale

I dropped off Granny and Chungita at the library and headed over to Starbucks and Joann's. At Starbucks, I broke down and got a maple oat scone, not on the food plan. I think that I didn't get enough to eat yesterday because I was so busy, the bread was moldy, and I was out of my peach fruit stuff for my sandwich. I was going to have an apple after putting Pulgito to sleep, but I fell asleep with him. So, abstinance broken.

I went to Joann's to pick up some Vogue patterns, but ALAS! the sale isn't until next week.

It's almost over.

ranaculus

Today is Granny's last day!

Cursed!

Pot Marigolds

I feel cursed today ... well, not really. Anyway, a tire on my bike blew out, so I couldn't ride my bike to work. My bread was moldy, and I'm out of my fruit spread for my peanutbutter & jelly sandwich.

I sewed the waistband onto my denim jacket, and stitched, turned, and pressed the cuffs. It's getting close now.

Dim Sum

Nectarine Blossom (my yard)

We went to Chinatown. I was not able to stick to my resolution to have only 6 pieces of dim sum. I had 10 which I don't think was too bad. I think I usually have 16 to 20. I did not have morning or afternoon snack.

I also learned that I need to weigh myself once a week. I hadn't weighed myself for over 2 weeks because of the in-law invasion and my subsequent binge, but it turns out that I've lost a pound over those 2 weeks (YAY!). I'm totally out of touch with whether or not I'm gaining weight. It doesn't matter if my clothes fit or not. If I don't weigh myself, I'm sure I'm gaining weight.

Tuesday is ED Therapy Day

Neighbor's Mushrooms

Today, I had an appointment with the ED counselor. That was painful. She managed to dredge up a bunch of painful memories from my formative years that played into the eating disorder. After that was the eating disorder group. That wasn't so bad. I'm trying to change my thinking from a "rigid" standpoint to a "structured" standpoint. I am finally convinced to give up the cow's milk, so I'm going totally soy. And I managed to not eat a cresent roll with my dinner. I was hungry afterwards, but I was able to eat an apple before going to bed. I'm really close to not eating refined wheat, refined sugar, and milk. I ended the day with my OA meeting.